Jonah Keller moved to New York City with dreams of becoming a successful playwright.  Forced to endure conversion therapy by his pastor father, Jonah is desperate to put his oppressive upbringing behind him.   He struggles to get by; working as a waiter barely pays the rent in his rundown sublet.  When he sees a picture of Richard Shriver, a Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright, he knows he has found his out.  

The two begin a passionate affair; Jonah is welcomed into Richard's inner circle.  At first, it seems to be everything Jonah has wanted.  Not only is Richard supportive of his writing, he also offers to cover Jonah's rent.   

When summer arrives, Richard invites Jonah to his massive estate in the Hamptons. Their evenings are spent entertaining Richard's close artist friends.  Jonah can't help but notice the young, attractive gay men employed by Richard and his circle of friends.  It isn't long before this idyllic relationship is shattered and Jonah becomes just another one of Richard's pawns.   Jonah could have never imagined the horrific acts that occurred within the walls of the estate.  Until, that is, he became one of the victims.  

Let me start with this: I’m a self-admitted book snob. I typically steer clear of books that everyone is raving about. I’m not sure why I went against my usual habits with this one, but I’m certainly thankful I did. I don’t write reviews of every book I read, but only those that evoke some sort of response from me, one that demands that I share my opinion.

Wow. Just…wow. Where do I even begin!?

Let’s start with the title. At first, we assume it’s tied to Jonah’s relationship with Richard. It isn’t long, however, that we discover that it is a reference to all of Jonah’s failed (and destructive and abusive) relationships with any male resembling a role model. The very first male in his life, his father, forces him to endure conversion therapy that leaves him shattered and traumatized. Beyond the relationship with Richard, he had an inability to connect with another male that in some way don’t him a victim. The moment he puts down the walls that surround him, he’s once again shown he can’t trust anyone, even those who promise to protect him.

Simultaneously, Jonah is dealing with repercussions of his actions when he is called upon to testify against Richard. The fate and future of all of Richard’s victims were in Jonah’s hands. His inability for to speak against his abuser, though time had passed, is a testament to the abuse endured. This domino effect not only alters his life, but those of the other accusers. The devastation isn’t just in that one moment, but continues to rear its ugly head each time Jonah believes he has found his footing.

Jonah is presented with two opportunities for true and genuine friendship, though he struggles to accept them as such and once again is left on his own. Those that do care for him implore him to seek therapy, to speak to someone, yet the only “therapy” he has ever known has forever tarnished his concept of professional help.

The journey the reader follows Jonah on is incredibly dark and devastating and at times difficult for the reader to endure. That said, I became completely invested in Jonah’s future. Without giving away too much, I sobbed tears of joy when he was finally able to overcome the demons that haunted him, allowing him to pursue healthy relationships once again. This is a book that sits with you long after you’ve finished reading it.

This isn’t going to be an easy ready for anyone, though this is a a novel that must be read. It’s a new and unique perspective, one that I hope to experience again with whatever this author pens next.