TRANSCRIPTION OF CARTER ROSS PRESS CONFERENCE
DATE: APRIL 8, 2011
PLACE: ROBERT TREAT HOTEL, NEWARK, N.J.
ERIN MITCHELL: Thank you for coming everyone, especially on such short notice. I’m Erin Mitchell and I’ve been retained by Carter Ross as a public relations consultant in th… Yes, yes what is it? Okay… can we please make some space in the front row for Anderson Cooper? C’mon people, he’s tiny. And just think how much more room there is now that Helen Thomas is no longer around. Okay, thank you… Anyhow, as all of you are, I’m sure, aware, a blogger from New Zealand named Craig Sisterson has leveled charges of “ballot-stuffing” in the World’s Greatest Amateur Sleuth contest. We’re going to ask Carter Ross to begin by making a brief statement. Carter?
CARTER ROSS: Hi guys, thanks for being here. I know so many of you and, of course, it’s a little strange for me to be on the other side of these microphones. But Erin felt it was important for us to answer these allegations promptly and without equivocation. So, let’s be clear: I would like to categorically deny any impropriety in this rigging of this or any other election. I realize it is a little hard for some folks to understand how a relative unknown like me has made it all the way to the finals. I’ve been more than a little surprised myself. But I have not directed any efforts – nor am I aware of any efforts – to pervert the purely democratic process that has produced this result.
ERIN MITCHELL: Okay, we’ll take some questions now. We have microphones that are being passed around. Please wait until the microphone reaches you, then stand and ask your question, beginning with your name and affiliation. Yes, you on the left.
MALE VOICE: Irwin W. Fletcher, Los Angeles Times. I write a column under the name “Jane Doe.” Mr. Ross, surely you understand that New Jersey is famous for its electoral irregularities. Do you think that’s working against you here?
CARTER ROSS: Hi Fletch, nice to see you. Thanks for standing up. I see you’re still 6-5 – 6-9 with the Afro, right? As to your question, I’m mindful of New Jersey’s, uh, colorful history when it comes to corruption . But we should all remember this election is really being contested in Ohio by Jen Forbus on the popular Jen’s Book Thoughts blog . And to me, it’s offensive to suggest that Jen has been anything but a hundred percent straight up in the administration of the voting. Next question? Yes, the attractive woman in front here…
FEMALE VOICE: Charlotte McNally, Channel 3 Boston…
CARTER ROSS: Charlie, baby! How are you? Congrats on the latest Emmy.
CHARLOTTE McNALLY: Thanks, Carter. You know I’m a fan of yours’, so please don’t take this question the wrong way. But I think the point of Craig’s blog post is simply to say that in a 64-character field that included some of the legends of fiction, it’s a little strange for a relative newcomer to have captured so much enthusiasm. Do you think it would taint this contest to have someone like you win?
CARTER ROSS: Oh, most certainly. I mean, Jen Forbus’s reputation was just starting to recover after the slandering Brad Parks gave it last year . If I win the tournament, I’m sure it’ll shred whatever credibility she has in the crime fiction community. But if that’s the will of the people, who am I to argue? Next question?
FEMALE VOICE: Elyse Dinh-McCrillis, Pop Culture Nerd Blog here. Carter, do you…
CARTER ROSS: I’m sorry, Miss, I can’t seem to see you. Could you stand up, please?
ELYSE DINH-MCCRILLIS: I am standing, you twit!
CARTER ROSS: Oh. Whoops. Anyhow, your question?
ELYSE DINH-MCCRILLIS: Carter, how can you expect us to buy denials when the interns at BradParksbooks.com have been making every effort to trample the fairness of this election?
CARTER ROSS: I’m not sure what you mean.
ELYSE DINH-MCCRILLIS: I believe their motto has been “Vote Early. Vote Often. Vote From Multiple IP Addresses.” Is that really an expression of the “will of the people?” And what about this slick PR lady, Erin, you have working for you here? Are you sure she hasn’t resorted to any untoward tactics in driving the vote your way? There have been reports of her…
CARTER ROSS: Stop right there! I’m not even going to entertain that question. Erin has been a consummate professional and would never stoop to…
ERIN MITCHELL (blocking microphones): (Inaudible)
CARTER ROSS: (Inaudible)
ERIN MITCHELL: I’m afraid we’re out of time, everyone! Please contact my office if you have any more questions and we’ll be sure to return your calls no later than Wednesday or Thursday or 2013, whichever comes last.
Tags: Bookish Chatter